humph

Last week I was told that I might be having an ectopic pregnancy and that I needed to go to the ER to rule it out. I happily found out that I was definitely NOT having an ectopic pregnancy and that indeed there was a baby where it should be and a heartbeat!!! Yea! Short lived excitement - spotting increased - sigh! Went in Tuesday and yea heartbeat again and growing at the prefect rate - although no real explanation for the bleeding hmmmmm..... Friday while at the pumpkin patch on a field trip - ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? - feeling like I was absolutely having a miscarriage (ie all the signs were there) rush back and head once more to the ER.... baby still there but BUT dr says it looks like I have a hemorrhage in my uterus where the baby attaches it looks like the baby is fighting to live and my body is fighting to get rid of it that my hcg numbers are low and that a mc seems imminent... also no real reason for the bleeding (the amount was crazy!) This is an ER doctor... does he really know what he is talking about? He then said if I keep bleeding that it will lead to a miscarriage and then he said  if I stop bleeding it is probably not a viable pregnancy (that I would have lost the baby) what the???? So incredibly frustrated! Monday I have more blood work to do.... this is a time when you are supposed to be happy and glowing and I am going through this crap. I get the whole natural selection and God has a plan - I get it but if that is the case and I am going to lose this baby can't we just make it quick? It has been 2 weeks of this emotional drama I am so sick of it... Yes I want this baby but if there is a problem I do hope that God takes it now I just don't understand what I did to get all of this - in the past year and a half - 1. car shot at 2. burglarized 3. pink slip 4. mantel co 5. miscarriage with a botched d&c 6. melanoma 7. moving out of our own place 8. possible miscarriage again?  - enough I have had enough - Bella has been the only bright light in my life - I thank God for her daily.